What is Stopping You?
Posted on 7th October 2017 at 12:20
What is in the way of you being in control of your own life?
This week I want to talk to you about how you find out what is stopping you.
I talked last week about whether you felt like you were in control of your own life, whether you realised you could be in control of your life and if you did, whether you felt like you were in control of your own life.
From the comments and messages that I’ve had over the last week, I think a lot of you realise that you could be, but don’t feel like you are. I find that slightly heart breaking. Because actually when you start making steps in the right direction it’s a relatively easy thing to do. It’s pretty easy to be in control of what is happening to you and to feel like you are in control of what is happening to you.
So I wanted to follow on from that this week.
I think a lot of us just go, “Oh well this is just the way I am. This is just how I am as a person and so, tough bananas.” And I really REALLY want to say to you this week:
No, no, no.
This isn’t just how you are as a person. This is how you have learnt to be as a person. There is a massive difference between just naturally being this way and actually being conditioned to be this way, learning to be this way. They are completely different things. We learn, but it is never too late to start re-conditioning yourself.
So whether you are five, 25, 45, 65, 85 it’s never too late. My oldest client to date is 72. Awesome.
It’s never, never, never too late to start re-learning how you can be as a person.
We get so used to being how we are and it is so ingrained in us, - “Well this is just who I am. This is just me.”
No, no, no, no.
It is utter rubbish. You don’t have to be any way that makes you unhappy. You don’t have to do that.
It is just something that you have learnt, your way of thinking, your way of feeling, your way of behaving, your way of responding; they are all things that you have learnt at a very young age.
If you can learn something you can un-learn it, can’t you?
A lot of those things that we learn when we are little, really don’t do us any favours whatsoever. We learn a lot of them with the best of intentions from the people around us - our parents, our teachers, our wider family and friends.
Sometimes things get said that maybe aren’t the best for a child. I’m a parent and I know how hard it is to be a parent. Sometimes you hear something coming out of your mouth and you think, “Yeah, I possibly shouldn’t have said that.” But the things that we say to our children, the things that we do to our children, the things we show our children and demonstrate to our children are what influences them to learn how to be the people they learn how to be.
And those things that we learn at those early ages are our core beliefs.
Most of them are there, in place by the time we are six or seven. Oh my word! And then we live our lives according to those beliefs.
Very, very rarely do we actually question them or confront them. We just say, “Well that’s just who I am, that’s just the way I am.” It really doesn’t have to be.
This is one of the first steps to find out what is stopping you from being in control, what is stopping you from living the life that you want to live. Largely the origin of what is stopping you is in those beliefs that you have learnt when you were tiny. Most of them are now responsible for what is stopping you.
Let me ask you a very simple question.
Is it relevant for me, at the age of 45, to live my life according to something that I learnt when I was three or four or five or six?
My four-year-old brain, my two-year-old brain interprets things completely differently, and yet that two-year-old belief is still in my head and I still live my life according to it. That’s not relevant, is it? No. But that’s what we do. Those are the things that are stopping you. Pure and simple.
As I said before, if you’ve learnt something, you can absolutely un-learn it.
You can un-learn a belief and learn a whole new one. That is entirely possible. Do you know how I know? Because I have done it. I’ve not changed every single belief I ever had, because not all of them, believe it or not, are bad ones. Some of the negative ones I haven’t got round to changing yet because they haven’t affected my life that badly yet.
But I know you can change those beliefs and I know that you can change that stuff that stops you. I’ve done it in the past, recently and I’m working on a few now for myself. I work on this stuff all the time.
I bang on about personal development being a daily thing and how my Happiness Club is a daily thing. I don’t take a day off from it. I do it every single day of the year. Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Years Day, when I am on holiday. Because, for me, this work is a daily thing.
You make that commitment to yourself because you are worth it.
You have to be. If you don’t believe you are worth living your life, who else is going to believe that? You are worth making a commitment to every day to take a step in the right direction. You absolutely are. That is what my Happiness Club does, that is why I set The Happiness Club up because that is what I want to help people do, work on it every single day.
And if you work on stuff like this every single day, guess what?
You start to shift those beliefs that are going round and round your head stopping you from doing whatever it is you want to do. You can shift them and you will find yourself suddenly responding to things in a different way.
Something will happen that always happens: a pattern that you are used to will occur in your life and you will respond in a different way and ten minutes later you will go, “Ooh! I didn’t do what I normally do. I didn’t say what I normally say. I did this thing differently.” As a result of doing this thing differently the whole dynamic has changed.
So you can absolutely change those beliefs without a shadow of a doubt. There are a million different ways in which you can start shifting those beliefs around, to find out what is actually stopping you.
Very often in life we know we’re stopping ourselves. I say to people, “What is stopping you?” And they say, “Me.” And I say, “Well, what is stopping you specifically?” And they don’t know.
They know there is something inside them that is stopping them from doing whatever it is they want to do, but they don’t know specifically what, because they learnt it when they were two or four or six. They can’t remember that on a conscious level. Your head would explode if you remembered everything on a conscious level!
You have to work on a subconscious level to get to the bottom of whatever it is that is stopping you. Sometimes you know, “Well actually, d'you know what, I believe this.”
I will give you an example from my own life. I don’t like making sales calls and I know there are a lot of people out there that don’t like doing this. I’ve done some work on this for myself and I’m getting better at it. But I’ve realised that I don’t like making sales calls because generally I don’t like talking on the phone. This is because I have a belief in my subconscious mind that bad news comes on the phone. I can pinpoint two incidents in my head where that happened when I was really young. Also In my mid-twenties my dad died and I found out on the phone. Worst phone call of my life. It just underpinned the belief that was already in my subconscious mind that bad news comes on the phone.
Now it doesn’t always have to be something as deep and meaningful as that, but that is my example for you. And it is utter rubbish, because, as I say, the phone can deliver just as much good news as it can bad news, but my overriding belief in my head is that it will be bad news. So I just avoid using the phone and I avoid making phone calls. I avoid sales calls in particular because, honestly, you are going to get more noes than you are yeses aren’t you? That is just a matter of fact.
I know that that is something that is stopping me, but I know that because I have done some work on it and found it out. I have found out the origin of that belief and I’m working on it.
And that’s I what I wish for all of you.
I properly wish that you have the tools and the techniques to find out what is stopping you from living the life you want, from achieving the goals that you want to achieve. What is stopping you? You might not consciously know that now.
If you want to find out what it is and to start working on whatever it is that is stopping you, you need to come on my Happiness Retreat because that is one of the things that I will be teaching you to do in that 24 hours.
We are going to do so much in this 24 hours, I cannot wait. It’s the first step to taking control of your own life because it is your life and you are the only person that can live it.
The first step is to find out what is stopping you, and I’m going to help you.
So book your place on my Happiness Retreat, join my Happiness Club, come and be part of my Happiness Tribe because life is awesome! It is totally brilliant and we get so caught up in the boring mundane ‘plodness’ of it all we forget that.
Come, let me teach you how to see it as this awesome brilliant amazing thing that it actually properly is.
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